Have you been in a relationship but not-so real relationship?
Ang gulo ano? Kasing gulo ng relationship niyo.
Ouch, ang sakit naman non. Well, kung titingnan natin ang reality I guess it trully hurts to see what is the reality of your relationship.
To be honest, when it comes to no-label relationships ang daming unknown.
" Parang kayo pero hindi naman kayo."
Yung tipong wala kang karapatan mag selos,
magalit everytime may ginagawang hindi maganda yung partner mo,
mag-demand,
dahil wala kayong rules or limitations kasi wala namang kayo.
Yep, I've been in that situation and it truly hurts, it hurts like hell and wala kang magawa dun sa pain na nararamdaman mo kasi hindi naman kayo kaya ang ending, iniiyak mo nalang. Tama ba? Mostly ganiyan ang nangyayari sa mga babaeng walang magawa kundi umasa nalang kung kelan dadating yung time na magiging sila ng partner niya.
Gurl, it's okay to cry. May times talaga na dadating ka sa point na magse-self pity ka kasi nagiging mababa na yung tingin mo sa sarili mo, magne-nervous breakdown, aatakihin ng anxiety, mago-overthink, and the cycle repeats.
We need to face the reality of breakdown in order to get through the dark tunnel. Mahirap yung process, yes. Mahirap kapag nasa blackhole ka kasi feeling mo hindi na mawawala yung pain na nararamdaman mo, iniyak mo na lahat, nagwala, sumigaw ka na... lahat ginawa mo to ease the pain but we need to accept that "pain is inevitable"
A friend of mine said to me "kung walang pain, walang growth" and that is a reality.
One things is for sure para sa mga couples na may ganitong klaseng situation. Don't be bothered, at first mahirap mag adjust. Honestly speaking, it takes a lot of lesson and realization para makita mo yung reality and good side of having this kind of relationship.
Ilang away, ilang breakdowns and anxiety ang pwedeng ma-experience lalo na kung hindi ka mentally stable and you're still fixing yourself.
SO let's get to the point:
Masarap ma-inlove. Yes, totally. Pero at the latter part, hindi araw araw happy ending, dadating yung time na bibigyan kayo ni Lord ng challenges, both for you and your partner. But don't be discourage, be hopeful kung ano yung message na gusto niyang iparating, lalo na sa relationship niyo.
Mahirap maintindihan kapag maingay ang loob ng utakers natin mga sis, pero kung kakayanin mo maging calm and observant sa nangyayari you will be able to see his message.
As I've said to my old blog post, bago ka pumasok sa relationship kailangan mo munang i-build yung relationship mo kay God. Why? Because in this way,
1. makikita mo kung papano ka gina-guide ni Lord despite of all the pains;
2. matututunan mo ang salitang "trust", kay Lord pa lang natututo ka na, so bago ka pa pumasok sa relationship na gusto mo, you will understand the importance of trust.
3. you will gonna realize na importante ang hindi madaliin ang isang bagay dahil madalas na nangyayari lahat ng minamadali, madali din masira.
SO if you don't have enough strong foundation, masisira lang lahat ng investment niyo and possible pa na mas masaktan niyo ang isa't isa.
Hindi madali ang pumasok sa relationship, but if you're willing enough to experience his gospel nothing is worthless dahil lahat ng pain & challenges na binibigay ni niya worth it kapag pinagsikapan mong intindihin.
My approach may be acceptable for some pero I'll share it anyway, you're free to say your opinions naman but please don't limit the things na pwedeng makatulong sayo. Hindi naman siguro kawalan ang appreciation diba? :)
Accept the reality na mahirap ang malagay sa sitwasyon na no-label relationship, accept that "hindi lang ikaw ang mundo niya" and that's the reason why we shouldn't demand (in general view, hindi naman talaga dapat natin tino-tolerate ang pagiging demanding ^_^), know your limits (kahit nasa totoong relationship na kayo, you should still respect his/her private side), accept his/her past mistakes ( if you know that the person is trying his/her best to change, trust him/her. Lahat ng tao may multiple chances para magbago!), learn & discover how to be an interdependent person (dahil hindi sa lahat ng oras nandiyan siya para saluhin ka, you need to stand on your own two feet and get back whenever life gives you hard time), stop overthinking (some of your thoughts are just created by your own mind, 50/50 ang chances na totoo sila, be mindful of your thoughts!) and lastly, surrender everthing to God (because under his guidance he will protect you).
And the most important thing of the good side of no-label relationship. It will challenge your trust, respect and honesty . Why? Because wala kayong pinanghahawakan na kayo ay sa isa't isa. Only the words and actions, pero walang kasiguraduhan kung magiging consistent, walang kasiguraduhan ang loyalty niyo sa isa't isa, walang kasiguraduhan kung honest ba siya sa bawat galaw at nakikilala niya, temptation is real but if you know that each of you is worth enough to risk for, then continue. Continue to trust each other, to respect each other's boundary and to stay honest.
Mahirap sumugal, pero kung mahal niyo ang isa't isa there's nothing to be afraid of. Because;
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." -1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Use the love as your fuel sa mga temptations & challenges na ibibigay sa inyo.
Uulitin ko, mahirap siya pero kung kakayanin mo walang imposible.
Another good side of it is that it will gonna mold you to be a better person, to be the person that God wanted you to be and to be a right person for your partner. Dahil you have your own space, marami kang time para sa sarili mo, para sa friends & family mo;
wala kang iisipin na: "ay may bf/gf ako, priority ko siya" THAT IS A VERY NO NO even in real relationships. inuulit ko uli, wag mong gawing sentro ng priority ang partner mo dahil baka dumating ang time na masakal ka lang sa idea na yan. Dapat balance lang, he/she is your priority pero hindi naka-focus ang attention mo sa kaniya. Did you get the idea?
You have your life, hindi ba at this point kung san malaya ka at inlove at the same time you should use your time to develop yourself?
to appreciate your partner concurrently.
Use this time para i-develop yung sarili mo at unti-unting simulan na i-build yung foundation niyo. Bonus blessing na kung habang nagiging successful ang foundation niyo ng partner mo, nagiging deep din yung relationship mo kay God.
GUYS, WALANG MAHIRAP KUNG GUMAGAWA KA NG PARAAN. MAHIRAP LANG SIYA SA UNA, PERO IT'S ON US KUNG SAANG PERSPECTIVE NG BUHAY TAYO TITINGIN.
Wag madaliin ang process, hindi lahat ng nasa relationship masaya ;) at hindi rin lahat ng single ay malungkot. If God had given you a partner, be greatful for it, appreciate all the small things he/she can give; If God tells you to wait and be single AT THE MOMENT, don't be discourage and say "tatanda ata akong dalaga", God has a plan for each of us, be hopeful because he proclaimed it.
Don't judge and question those couple who are being in a no-label relationship. They have their own story. Their own dark past, and pain.
When you see that they are trying their best to fix their own problem, respect them. Hindi madali ayusin ang mga bagay na nasira. ;)
And to end this letter, I wanna say I'm rooting for all those couple who are in the same situation of this letter! Kapit lang and tiwala lang kay Lord, do not forget to pray and ask for His guidance. For he sees everthing.
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