I would like to focus on this 3 things: 1. Your life 2. Your career (course) 3. Your love life Being mentally challenge in the middle of Enhanced Community Quarantine is a big challenge for all of us, especially for those people who are already mentally challenged. It’s like living in a black hole, then getting out of it, then coming back at it again. Suicidal thoughts, anxieties, stress, worries are just some of the specific areas they've experienced. But there is always a negative side in every situations we are facing, either positivity. Most of us tend to look first at the negativity then tolerating it in the latter part. Making ourselves more miserable and because you let yourself to feel that negativity, you started to experience worries & anxieties. It's inevitable not to face challenges & problems. We are made by God to grow and not just to live in fears. So in order to understand the life God wanted to give us, we need not to look at the negativity but use it instead as a bridge to see what He wanted us to learn & use the remaining positivity for the extra strength we needed. "YOUR LIFE" Our lives are full of surprises, because we may never know what are the blessings that are ahead of us, who are those persons who will gonna make us better, the problems that will mold us or are we gonna' still have the opportunity to live tomorrow? You'll never know when you give up easily. When you don't the have faith, the foundation with yourself collapse easily. In this part, I wanted to focus on "spirituality". What are the things that can be transformed by developing the area of our lives when it comes to our faith. The first thing that comes up in our mind is "miracles" right? Well, it's part of it, but we should know that it's more than that. Establishing your life with God is the best thing you can give to yourself, for me it's much more fulfilling when you read & study the bible than just attending the mass alone. Because when you read the bible, you are having a one-on-one talk with God, you can concentrate what are the things that you need to fix, what are the behaviors you need to change & how can you be a better version of yourself. It needs work when you want to change something, or you want to achieve something. It's not easy, but we should always remember that nothing comes for free and nothing will gonna happen if you don't want to invest on yourself. Prayers will help when we want something but it will not gonna work out when we are not making actions in it. It's the same when starting to develop our relationship with God. You need consistency & perseverance; to be honest sometimes it's exhausting to wake up early in the morning to read the bible because you're still tired. Then later on, you will feel the guiltiness on not reading the bible. It's still good, because as you can see your conscience are still intact, you still have yourself, you're still not losing yourself after a tiring day. Then let's get to the point; ~ Surrendering our anxieties & burden to God will gonna save your soul in the fiery pit of your own desolation. Because when we do it, it means that we are trusting God, we are letting ourselves to learn that when something if off or when we can no longer have the strength to solve a particular matter it's no more our business and we need to let God solve it in his own ways. We need to let go (our burdens & problems) and let God. Because when we do it, it'll make our life more easy. More enjoyable than solving the things on our own. In our life, we will never have that constant strength when we don't know how to approach God. We always need Him, trust me. ~ Accepting things & learning how to lower your pride is a pathway to make yourself a better person. Remember the quote: "Swallowing your pride won't choke you to death." We need to accept that we are not always right, it's okay to make mistakes. And that mistakes doesn't define who you are. And after every disappointment & mistakes we make, there is a God waiting for us. His hugs & kisses are already reserved for you & most importantly his never-ending forgiveness. "YOUR CAREER (COURSE)" Are you still in doubt if you ever have taken the course you like? Or are you just been pressured by your parents? Neither of the two will not help your growth, if we will always blame others for having our miserable life, you will live in it for the rest of your life. Being honest with myself, on the first year of my college days I'm really not sure if I can take the responsibility of my chosen career because of that "Board Exam" waiting for me at the end of my course. But instead of letting myself feel to be weak, I chose to look at it as a challenge for me to be more me. I always ask God, "Lord, bakit niyo po ba ako dito nilagay?" knowing what course I really like, I still listened to my parents decision. At first, I have no idea why. Why did I, even it is against my will. I know my passion is to be in the field of arts but God still put me in the situation & career that I don't even understand. It's hard to live in questionable situation & waiting for that right time for my questions to be answered. In contrary, without knowing, it was actually one of God's plan for me. One of his greatest plan & my greatest blessing. I know to myself that I lack patience & it is one of the things I want to change & constantly praying to God. I always pray that "sana may gawin si Lord para maayos ko yung ugali kong ganto" I didn't even realize that he was actually granting my prayers & that is through the "process". A process of learning the relationship between myself & the course that He given me. I chose to be a PT student (Physical Therapy), and that course needs a lot of patience & perseverance for you to help your patients to be able walk again & to live an optimal life despite of the disabilities. Those repetitions of exercises, treatment plans, never-ending pt notes & case study. Are just some of the obstacles waiting for me. I realized that because of my dependency with God & surrendering my life to him. He didn't save me, but help me to grow as a person as well. Those questions that keep dwelling on my mind had finally been answered. My profession as a PT needs a lot of patience & I lack patience. And now, it's on me what actions will I make to achieve that behavior. To achieve what i am praying. "YOUR LOVE LIFE" This ECQ become one of that roller coaster ride of the century for me. Because of the uncertainties of when will the pandemic end, or when will I gonna have the chance to see that person, when will I get my life back? When will school start? etc. It's never easy to have a literal introvert life. You can't go out because your place or your age is restricted so to save yourself, you need to sacrifice your own cravings & needs. When we're having a quarrel, it's not good when you're fixing it through social medias & when you're far from each other. It keeps you having the feeling of unwell, anxieties, unreasonable thoughts. Having a poor communication is one of the problem I faced during this quarantine. And it's not easy to adjust to changes especially when it comes on sharing my problems. But looking at the positive side & learning how to listen in God's blessings, I realized that there is a lot I needed to change with myself. It's not just about my habit but on accepting the reality of partnership & relationship. When it comes to communication, it's really nice when you're having deep talks with someone especially on the person you love. But things have changed & it should be. I always thought that consistency on communication in a relationship is a must but because God is full of surprises, he did surprise me this time. I learned that it's okay when you & your partner start to change how the way things are. It doesn't mean that when he has no time for you, he's dwelling on something that is much more important to you. "when you can't understand someone, you can't love them because you don't know them" There's so much more than communication & that is understanding. You need to understand that change is not bad as always as it seems. Change is good as long as it will benefit you & your partner, your relationship concurrently. It is really needed for you to stand on your own two feet especially when you're facing problems, because dependency on someone can lead you to a new problem you'll create. And in this point; your trust, respect & love comes in. I'd experience doubting my partner because of the inconsistency, i forgot to respect that he also have his own life & he has the right to do whatever he wants without hurting him & the love may fade away because of those misunderstanding & unresolved problems. How did I get this far? By letting God write my own lovestory. I always obey what he says, I always ask for guidance & strength that whatever problems my partner & i face I know that we have our God that will protect us. Then that's how it ends. This is a quick journal that I wrote as part of my therapy session. Guys, it's okay not to do something when you're not okay. Never deny your feelings, admit to yourself how you're feeling & let that emotions dwell in you but never let it control you. And never forget! When you're having a hard time, just pray and let God hear your thoughts.
Thank you for reading my journal. Godbless!
💕