After all this time, ECQ has made a big impact on my life.
Madami-dami na din yung time para sa sarili natin, And that time make me change something in myself.
So far, sa dinami-dami ng pinagdaanan ko, ito yung masasbi kong pinaka-masakit na challenge na binigay sa akin ni Lord... I actually ask him "Lord, if it needed sirain mo na po kung anong kailangan masira." And I am pertaining to my favorite song "Gracefully Broken"
It's not easy everytime binibigyan ako ni Lord ng challenges sa buhay ko... May time na gusto ko nalang tapusin yung buhay ko dahil hindi mo alam kung papaano mo tatanggalin yung pain. Ginawa mo na lahat, umiyak, tumawa, huminga pero nandun pa rin yung pain.
And everytime dumadating ako sa point na hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko, I ended up sleeping.
May anxiety problem ako and maybe that is my way para makawala dun sa problemang hinaharap ko... meron din namang ibang tao na hindi natutulog, or yung iba idinadaan sa kain, we all have differences kung papaano tayo mag-cope up sa mga emotions na pinagdadaanan naten. And yun yung natutunan ko nung nagsimula ako magshare sa isang taong pinagkakatiwalaan ko about my Mental Health. Hindi man kami magka-edad pero she still understand me kung papaano ko ina-adjust ang sarili ko sa mga bagay na alam kong mahina ako. Ganon pala yun, once na nagstep up ka kahit maliit lang, you will be able to open your eyes na may mga bagay na kailangan gawin para matuto ka at maintindihan mo kung bakit mo kailangan lumabas sa comfort zone mo. Hindi siya madali, pero trust me when I say this: It's worth a try,
It's May 2020 nung tinamaan ako ng kasunod na anxiety episodes ko and ito yung pinaka-crucial time na naexperience ko kasi since hindi pa rin tapos ang COVID-19, lockdown is still implemented and kahit na dumating man yung time na ibaba ang level ng lockdown hindi pa rin makakalabas dahil may age restriction and yun yung naging factor kung bakit nahirapan akong hanapin yung lakas ko para labanan itong nararamdaman ko...
Madalas kapag inaatake ako, lumalabas ako o di kaya nakikipag-meet ako sa ibang tao para madistract ako at makapag-share or open up sa mga taong pinagkakatiwalaan ko pero hindi ko siya magagawa this time. That's why I ended up ruining something na important sakin.
Have you seen my featured image? It says:
"A soft answer turneth away wrath; but a grievous word stirreth up anger. -Proverbs 15:1"
That is actually my favorite verse in bible, but today I realized na kung ano yung pinapaulit-ulit kong basahin bigla kong nakalimutan once na tamaan ka ng matinding emosyon.
Ironic right? Bigla ako nag self-pity sa sarili ko kasi binibigyan kong halaga ang kaisa-isang verse pero hindi ko nagawang sundin.
Sa dinami-dami ng solusyon na sinubukan ko katabi ko lang pala ang magliligtas saken.?
I tried to do things na makakapagpa-distract sa iniisip ko, kumain, tumawa, natulog, ginawa ko na lahat ng hobbies ko pero none of them save me from my own desolation.
You want to know what that is?
the Bible.
Nowadays, people tend to forget to read the bible kasi ang paningin na ngayon ng mga tao is "corny" or "oldy" or even "weird". Why? I don't know kasi hindi ko naman maco-control ang mga sinasabi nila eh.... pero I want to share thing thing na narealize ko nung nagsimula akong magbasa ng bible...
Mas gumaan yung pakiramdam ko, mas lumakas yung tiwala ko sa kay God at higit sa lahat, everytime I face my problems yung mga devotional letters na nababasa ko even matagal na biglang nagpa-pop up sa mind ko na para bang nagsisibling guide kung ano ang dapat kong gawin lalo na kapag nasa point ako na hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko at umiiyak nalang ako... Weird right? But I don't think it's weird. I call it "faith"
And for the ending part of my new blog, I wanna share this devotional letter na tumatak sa isip ko.
So since unti-unti ko nang nakukuha yung mga sagot sa tanong ko kung papaano ko ba iintindihin ang differences ng mga taong nakakasalamuha ko, God help me how to.
First he said:
Yung relationship naten will only be as deep kung willing tayo makipagusap nang may absolute openness. What do I mean?
1. CLEAR: Use clear language; ask questions to clarify things & allow time for each other to process the words spoken. Never use hints, as they are easily misunderstood/ missed altogether. Say what you mean & work hard to say it in the way you want it to be received.
Nung una, I always ask myself kailangan ba agad agad sinosolusyunan ang bagay? I kept on having a debate with myself kung masama ba kung bibigyan ng time para ayusin ang isang bagay... And when the time has come God answered my prayers.
I always use hints whenever I am having a conversation with my friends or with my love ones until ipina-realize sa akin ni Lord ang mga bagay na dapat baguhin ko sa sarili ko. I started to let go of the pride na kapag may problema ayusin agad and make me change it to kung may problema pag usapan kung kelan handa at hindi humahadlang ang emosyon na nararamdaman.
2. CONTROLLED: You will never communicate properly when emotions are out of control. So pick your moment. Create space to talk when you are calm, there is time to explain things properly & when things have less chance of coming across wrongly.
From what I've said before akala ko agad agad na dapat inaayos ang problema pero hindi. God made me realize how to be patient through this thought. And dun sa tanong ko kung kailangan ba agad na sinosolusyunan ang bagay, maybe it's not. Maybe God wanted me to change the things na alam niyang magiging toxic sa relationship ko and dumating yung time na nagiging toxic na nga siya.
So guys, wag niyo na ako tularan. I know it's hard to handle your emotions especially kung sad or galit kayo... may mga bagay kayo na magagawa niyo and kapag dumating yung time na nag laylow na yung emotions niyo, saka niyo marerealize na hindi dapat kayo nagpapadala sa emotions niyo. :)
3. CONSTRUCTIVE: Communicate positively by focusing on the good things about other person. Don't focus on the negative qualities but be constructive, even if you are dealing with a negative situation. Your tongue has "the power of life / death" acc. to Proverbs 18:21, so use it to bring life to your relationships. be bold & declare like Isaiah in our reading "I will not be silent."
And lastly, this one is the most memorable thought na hinding hindi ko malilimutan. God wanted me how to be constructive. Sa tinagal tagal ko sa mundong ito, ngayon ko lang narealize na may isang bagay ako na dapat kong ayusin at baguhin sa sarili ko... it's my word. My way of communicating with others especially kapag emotionally unstable ako.
As you can see, ang dami kong kasalanan hindi lang sa ibang tao but with myself too... but God didn't abandon me kahit nakikita na niya yung mga panget na bagay sa ugali ko, kung tutuusin He still helped me how to be a better person and patuloy na gina-guide ako throughout my life.
Guys, it's not too late to start building your relationship with Him. Love can wait.
You must build first your relationship with God bago kayo pumasok sa relationship na gusto niyo. If your plan is to have a strong foundation na kahit ilang bagyo ang dumaan, surrender everything to him.
Alam na ni Lord ang magiging takbo ng buhay mo, so trust him. Hindi naman ibibigay sayo ni Lord ang isang bagay na hindi mo deserve.
he sees everything, so hayaan mo lang na may mga bagay na hindi masusunod according to your plan because God proclaim it.
God is a redeemer, so kung ano yung kinuha niya hayaan mo lang, wag mo nang ipagpilitan na ibalik pa dahil may nakareserve sayo na MAS BETTER.
Madali lang kung papaano mo sisimulan magkaron ng strong relationship kay Lord. Because all he need is your time. That's all.
Pray and communicate with him not because you NEED TO but because you INTENDED TO.
(dahil dadating ang time na mapapagod ka, pero kung ginugusto mo ang isang bagay hindi dahil napipilitan ka lang, you will have that little brightness within yourself para tumayo sa mga paa mong napapagod na)
You can start reading the bible through this app: https://www.bible.com/app
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